will she

Michael and I struggled with infertility for almost five years before I got pregnant.  We were in a Sunday School class at the time whose motto may as well have been “The Young and the Fertile.”  It seemed like another couple announced their awesome pregnancy news every single Sunday.  And while I was happy for each of them – really, I was! – with each announcement, I felt another piece of my heart break away.  I always made sure that we sat in the back of the room because there were some Sundays that I had to slip out of the room, retreat to the utility closet in the hallway, and sob for a few minutes.

We were so excited when I finally did get pregnant.  We found out two days before I was supposed to start taking a fertility drug.  My pregnancy was wonderful.  I didn’t suffer from morning sickness.  I actually lost nineteen pounds.  It was a good thing.  The baby was growing and I was overweight, so the weight loss made my doctor happy.

When The Boy arrived, we were instantly in love.  He was such a good baby.  He came home from the hospital on a four hour schedule and never got off of it.  At six weeks, he gave up the middle-of-the-night feeding and started sleeping from 10:30 to 6:30.  He spoke his first word (a loud and resounding “Mama!” while we were at a groundbreaking for new buildings at the church) at 3 months and 24 days.  He very quickly developed a remarkable vocabulary and talked nonstop.

From the day I found out that I was pregnant, I began to pray for him.  At the time, I didn’t know the gender, but I prayed for health and growth and a strong mind and body – the same things most expectant parents pray for.

But when the ultrasound showed that the baby was a boy, I began to pray more specifically.  I also began to pray for his wife.  Strange?  I don’t think so.  I didn’t know if she had been born yet or even conceived, but I knew that she needed God’s blessings all through her life.

I actually journaled my prayers for her. I prayed for a Godly heart, a spirit of service, an open mind, and arms that were open to love.  I prayed for her heart, her mind, her soul, and her purity.

I prayed all of these things before The Boy was born.

Now that he is thirteen, it hits me that she’s probably out there!  She’s more than likely on this earth, walking and talking and learning and loving.  They may know each other.  Their paths may not cross for many more years.  But she’s out there.  The woman he will fall in love with and decide to spend the rest of his life with.  He will invest his hard-earned money into a pretty ring and get on one knee to ask her to marry him.  She will walk down an aisle and they will pledge their love before God.

Be still my heart.

For now, he’s still here.  His daddy and I are still two of the biggest influences in his life.  We’re still his greatest loves, his biggest fans, his loudest cheerleaders, his guides, his coaches, his disciplinarians.  We are his world.  And he and The Redhead are ours.  These years are precious.

Every now and then, I drag out the scrapbook pages and laugh and cry and marvel at how much the kids have grown and changed.  When The Boy was five years old, I made a page that was essentially a prayer for his wife.  Just today, I came across it.  The journaling still holds true today:

  • Will she love you as much as I do?
  • Will she love to hear your laughter?
  • Will she hold your hand tightly in hers as you walk together?
  • Will she pray with you and for you?
  • Will she watch you sleeping as I do and wonder what she ever did to deserve such a treasure?
  • Will she marvel at your tender heart and tough determination?
  • Will she love life as much as you do?
  • Will she help you through tough times and assure you that you can do anything you set your mind to?
  • Will she love you the way you love her?
  • I know that God is preparing her heart even now, making a place in it that can only be filled by you.
  • I know that He will bring the two of you together in His time and you will just know that she is the person you were meant to spend your life with.
  • And I know that she will love you as much as I do.

She’s out there.  God has already chosen her to be my little boy’s wife.

How amazing is that?

Until He brings them together, I will keep praying for him.  For her.  For them.

will she


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